Isn't 80 per cent enough?

If I were to write my own horrorscope, I would write:

Time of emotional turmoil. You know what you want but you don't know how to get it. Despair, and give up. You know things will just go the way they want to anyway. PS don't date bandmates.

But I don't write Horrorscopes.

I have cheated on my band. We had a very messy rehearsal recently so I excused myself from today's rehearsal and went to find another band. I found one I liked the sound of and emailed them. Sergio emailed back. Friendly, complete with smiley faces that were somehow less frightening than usual. Then a photo so I would recognise him. Wowsers. I prayed he would be short and uglier.

I made it to the audition-I-don't-know-what-to-call-it slightly early. He came dashing round the corner right on time, and a lovely smile lit up his face. I hope it was for me. We run to the studio and I get to meet the rest of the band and a girl who is trying out for bassist. God they are cool. I like how they are friendly and how they look at me. I am so nervous but I am happy. Except that I know I want to play in this band already. I have heard them and I like them. I just don't want to be doing silly flops for the lead guitarist. They play, I tell them the song has changed, what the hell, I sing. They play another song, after 2 goes, I join in. On the way in Sergio asks if I play folk music. No. The other guitarist, Dani I think is his name, asks if I like this kind of music. I think they must have the wrong impression of me. I look at him like he has two heads. "But I heard it before I came!" I tell him, amazed. "Why do you think I came?" Hmm, am I arrogant, or have I merely forgot I am the one on trial here. I laugh and point out mistake I make, never a good tactic. After thirty minutes I am done. I bid them goodbye. "You remember me of the Cocteau Twins," Sergio tells me thoughtfully. "And I can only understand 80% of what you say..." That, my dear Sergio, is because you have single-handedly reduced me to a babbling idiot.

They say they are auditioning for the rest of the month, and they will let me know. "We will also let you know if we find someone earlier, so you can continue your search for a band." I am not feeling that chirpy. Something is wrong here. I go home and on-line seek out Iarla, for some advice. "Why don't you send them a message saying thanks for the audition, really enjoyed it, just letting you know i'm still interested and look forward to hearing from you." Bold words indeed. Well I may as well try it. I text it before I get scared.

So here is the nub, or the crux of the matter. I want to play in this band. I also want to run away with Sergio. Both options involve staying in touch in the future. When I like someone, as evidenced today, I cannot look at them. Do guys get that, that shy women look at the walls, the ground, the ceiling, and look scared if they catch a look in the eye? Or at least I do! I also do a good job of sounding relaxed and distant. Dear oh dear. So since I am not in the band (I reckon) how exactly do I get to know someone I met by chance? It sounds like a candidate for straight-forward asking out, and to be honest I am not someone who has ever done that, to my recollection anyway. I reckon he has a girlfriend, and I would have to play the "exotic" card as I am hardly the type he would normally be seen with. Hmm, how to regale him with your enchanting wit.....yargh!

I think I will just have to find some money and go out and get hammered. Beer at home is just not the same.