Light me a Candle,Make me a Wish...

The LCD sign tells me it is 24 degrees but it desn´t feel like it. It is cold and windy, the air damp from the sporadic tempestual showers that August brings Barcelona. The streets of Gracia are full of long tables with various shapes made of foam and old tetra bricks being spray-painted bright colours in advance of the week-long festival that takes place this week. Everyone I know is making an effort to go early to see the decorations before the festival even starts.

And yet I am once again preoccupied and unenthusiastic.

The story is quite simple. Last week, I met a guy who I really connected with. We enjoyed two really great days together which ended with me bundling him out the door cos he was running late for work and being pulled back into a promising kiss, with an agreement to meet again. "Tuesday will be very very difficult for me," he tells me, screwing up his eyes as he thinks. Fine then, I say, how is Thursday? I know he has to hand in papers for a divorce and all kinds of things, and I am trying to give him some space. He looks relieved and smiles. "I´ll call you on Thursday," we both say, and he leaves. I watch him go up the street.

On Thursday I call him, and it turns out he is sick. That does not surprise me as I too have a heavy cold and I wondered where I got it from. "I´ll call you when I am better, is that okay?" Yeah, sure. "Does that suit you?" Okay. "Does it suit you, you sure?" Yes. Friday is band rehearsal and I am not in the mood. I go out drinking. Saturday I find myself waiting again and finally at 1am, call him. It rings twice, then tells me User Busy. I try again, same reply. I curse, and then I stop myself, wondering. I am not so paranoid as to usually curse after an episode like this, afterall, I know the guy a week, he has been sick, and then working, plus he is going through a bit of a difficult period, and I believe him when he talks to me. I go out drinking again, in an effort to forget, to do something with myself.

So what has changed then? Nothing. Saturday we met, Sunday we went out, Monday I said goodbye, Tuesday/Wednesday we agreed not to see each other, Thursday he was sick but we spoke, Friday I figured he´d still be sick, Saturday I called but got no answer...It has only been a week.

So the best thing I can do is leave him alone for a wee while. He has my number and knows where to find me if he wants to. My only worry is that I might stand to lose him like that, by being distant. I have been worrying inside, but I have not been pestering him with calls or anything so I doubt very much he is feeling hemmed in. But is there a chance he said he´ll see me again and doesn´t mean it? Well of course there is. But then the first time he promised to call me, and he did. So all I can do is trust him a little. Afterall, I can call him in a week if I don´t hear anything.