Sleeping with my Pussy

Today, without thinking, I chose as song of the day "Loser" by Beck. Already I am reaping the rewards. I am sat on my own amongst the Italians, only none of them seem to be in today. My workmates are all round the corner. My manager brought in a Christmas calendar with everyone´s name on one day EXCEPT ME! What am I supposed to do? I don´t like looking for my name cos it is arrogant but I did so there and I discovered I am not there and now she is off to Germany for Christmas and I feel left out and abandoned. I also left my lunch at home, I don´t know how to fill in my extra hours sheet, my cat ate my shoes(no, really), my mam is going away for Christmas and I am working all Christmas and New Year, and I forgot my PIN for my bank.

Hmm.Yes, that is about the size of it.

On the plus side, Dani finally called. Ok, so I had to ring his surrogate mother minder type figure to get his number. I got a message from her saying "Dani´s phone is ....broken. Yes, broken. I will get him to call you when he drops in during the week cos he´s out with his friends". Honestly, is he six years old? Anyway, he did call, and offered to come pick me up. Wally. Luckily I was intoxicated and made him laugh lots and he promised to call last night. I didn´t believe him and went on a 2.50 per cocktail bender and GASP! he called me! For ten seconds! "I just got a new chip and I don´t have much credit but I´ll call you tomorrow for a good chat. How are..." Oh well. At least he called like he said he would. Now I can scrape my pride off the floor and go out gallivanting in peace.

The shame of it all is that I was pleased he called. Nathalie has been doing the usual hopping in and out of bed tricks that she can do, and we were discussing it last night (as well as her monologue on the size of various people´s assets which I really wasn´t interested in). She knows she is potentially destroying her relationship with Mauro, but she has decided that she wants more attention, and is getting it. Perhaps she has the right idea. Nina is locked in a six year relationship with a man she loves but doesn´t want to have sex with anymore cos he bores her. Should she look outside? She is trying to convince her boyfriend (also called Mauro) that this is the way of the future. And me? I am in a half-arsed relationship with a nice guy who I do not know who is going to share Christmas with me I think but I don´t even know for sure, when frankly, I am still in love with an ex-boyfriend who dumped me unceremoniously years ago. I don´t know how I am still in love, but I am and there´s no point feeling sorry for myself about it. In any case, I have no intention of carrying on with a long distance relationship especially not if i have to be the mother-figure. I have done the waiting game, I have done insecure, and I refuse to waste time on that anymore.

The other day I trying to find my way to the pub (as I do pretty much every night) when a striking young man greeted my friendlyly, if there is such a word which there isn´t but there is now. I hied back and he asked where I was going and if he could join me. In my coolest fashion I froze in shock, told him I was searching for 5 cents (which I was cos I had to phone someone) and then took off at lightening speed.

In this cold weather am I the only loser sleeping on my own with a feckin cat that doesn´t even belong to me?