Insomnia

Although I only made it to bed at 9am this morning (with my four crossword puzzles) I was out and about again by 2 to have coffee with Nathalie. Tato is most certainly back now, and she is in the strange position of half-living in my room, and half in his. Because we do shift work we are rarely in bed at the same time so it pretty much works out. It was sunny and we had our coffee in the graden of an internet cafe from which you can hear the bells of the cathedral on every quarter. There is a pond with khoi and golfish down the back.

I didn´t actually do a great deal today but I feel like I did. I just had a fairly serene me day, where I thought a lot(probably due to my 4 hours per night habit of late). I once had a boyfriend who used to wake me when I slept because he was annoyed I could sleep and he couldn´t. And I´m a bloody insomniac! I still wake up feeling guilty sometimes and if I could never sleep, I probably wouldn´t.

I am still waiting on my bank card, and pretty broke as a result. All my colleagues gaped in horror as I eat pasta with olive oil only. Come on lads, taint exactly the famine or anything! Been toying with the idea of two books I want to write and another blog that is completely unrelated to this one. Part of the reason is that I feel this is a general diary type blog and I would like one in which I can explore myself more, through story or through a character I invent. It would need to be completely apart from here of course or else that would defeat the purpose. But will I have time to do both, especially when I am already struggling to find time at work at the minute? Probably not, but I will make time I suppose. I have no intention of actually paying for my time in an internet cafe of course!

Watched loads of Father Ted again today. Put poor Tato through a few episodes too. Lads, seriously, can you imagine?! Three priests stuck on a tiny island with each other! I love the way the scenarios are so ludicrous and unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes I think all Irish people must have an anti-reality gene in them which causes them to react in the most hilarious manner in normal situations, and invariably turn anything into an extraordinary situation. Poverty is still very much a norm to laugh at. Many people have tellies but can´t pay their electricity and things like that.

Fell into a bit of a sleepy snoozy trance on the floor while listening to a record by dEUS. Realised I will have to trawl through Einstein´s theory of relativity properly and understand the mathematics of it some day soon. I spend a stupid amount of hours (usually when I should be sleeping) trying to figure out the properties of light versus mass and I am not entirely sure what my mind is getting at, if anything. I have no books to read again and I find beading and music too difficult if there is someone else there - they want to use the table or listen to the telly or something so I feel I should bugger off quickly...

Tato offered to disappear, as he put it, for the duration of my mam´s visit. I think it´s lovely of him, and I am glad I didn´t have to ask. I sort of hope that Nathalie stays on living in the house but I suspect that it might be good for me to rely on myself a bit more, although I am her crutch too I suppose. We will see what happens.

I feel very isolated and alone right now and while it is nice, it also means I am achieving nothing. I don´t know when this achieving thing kicked in, but anyway. I want to make a living from playing music. That means I need to save money, buy equipment, organise rehearsals and later gigs, and generally figure out if I will stay here or go home. I am putting if off every chance I get.

If I ever get anything done in my life, I will of course inform you.