Grumpy guts
There is no snow. The days are old like dirty clothes and the trees are still holding onto their leaves like old bus tickets stuffed into last year´s pockets. Christmas has been. New Yearçs has come and gone. All were full of people and equally empty.
I wonder if I am depressed and then I recall the black pit that is depression. No, I am not. I wonder if I am bored. It is the easy excuse, or claiming that I am tired, but the reality is that I lie in bed cos I can´t think what else to do. I take out my guitar but I don´t need to play - I remember all the songs and what is the point of playing if I am the only one who wants to hear.
There is no life in Barcelona when there is no music. I go out at night only to dance and I live during the day only to play. Christmas means nothing without this. My life is effectively on hold until the band return. And I still have no drummer.
My day today has been interesting. I made my phonecalls to my family but everything I touch turns to stone and it takes several times to get through to anyone. Dani says he wants to talk to the real me cos I am always chirpy. I dislike that word. I tell him I am tired of being on my own. He says he is coming over in March. I tell him to either come or don´t but stop talking about it. i tell my father the same. Besides, I want to leave here. Dana asked me last night if I complain so much about here why do I stay? I told her that I didn´t know when I moved here that I wouldn´t be happy. Maybe the reality is that I stayed for the musical possibilities only. Maybe the truth is I dislike it here because I don´t feel I will ever meet a soulmate. That mad one I dream about. Maybe I´m a hopeless romantic. But Dana is right because what she really means is why do I complain so much? I should just get over it and move on.
So with that in mind, I intend to read some of my favourite blogs denied to me in work, and do some food shopping. I am apparently invited to dinner tonight by my lovely colleagues but I honestly don´t recall being invited. Nathalie told me today on the phone. I also mean to start Spanish classes soon, as then I will at least do something I promised I would do before I came over!
posted by Green Glass Beads @ 17:51
6 Comments:
Complaining is Ok, for the first thousand or so words and then it just gets to be whining for the people that gotta listen. Try screamin’ in the loo at some pub ye don’t frequent or better yet - a trendy upscale restaurant who’s clientele pay way too much to have to hear such trite while they whiz!
As for the question of finding the right “soul mate” my theory is when yer not lookin’ is when they tend to appear – its something about that pheromonal smell we all give off when we’re on the “mate-for-life” hunt. So at least act like ya don’t care and see if that helps…
Green Glass,
If you can't communicate on an elementary level with like 90% of the population of course you're going to feel nihilistic and fuck it all about everything here in Barcelona.... get on those Spanish classes, try to learn some Catalan, and it will not be all so gray. fromage de merde's advice about soulmates is right, you can't look for them, they just happen. It's all about that funky pheromanal connection that's beyond our minds. Barcelona is a world of possibilities, I wouldn't feel so threatened by it. Anyway, it might be good to severe ties with things that didn't work anyway. think of yourself in the best place you could be right now. How would it change if you were in say Berlin, or New York. They're cool cities, but they're hard to to get into. There are irritating people here too, but you can't make sweeping judgmements, even if your writing’s good. Couldn’t you funnel that energy into your music? and like, you guys gonna gig anytime soon?
I get down as well, hope you're feeling better soon.
(I mean I get depressed, not that I got out on the dance floor and get down).
(And I dind't mean having sex either. or anything else that "get down" might mean. I should've phrased that better....)
Maybe at this point I should say I know complaining is boring, I am working on it, I don´t walk around like I´m desperate, and my opinions of Barcelona have as much to do with my mood as anything...and thanks for the advice...
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