Old letter to myself.Early February

Dear You,

I know that lately you feel a need for space and desire silence. This is no new development, and I respect that need. However, there comes a time in every persons´s life when he or she has to stop being a spoiled child and realise that it is important to help others. That time in your life is now. It is all very fine and well for you to preach tolerance, but you are one of the most stubborn and selfish people I have met in my life.

Audrey is going through a difficult time at the moment. She has just broken up with her boyfriend, and needs support. She is alone in a foreign country, much as you are, and doesn´t have many people to turn to. She has you and Celine. Since Celine is the one who made the comment that caused the row between Audrey and her boyfriend, Audrey can´t very well stay with her. That leaves you.

So what exactly is your problem? Well, it is obvious that you feel threatened by the presence of someone else in your space. Okay, so Tato has finally left, but now you find after one or two days alone that instead of being alone finally as you´d hoped, that you are back in the situation of living with someone. Get over it, there are worse things in life.

I know you also find Audrey irritating because she talks non-stop. Well actually, so do you, although I will grant you that you are more sensitive to people´s need for silence. Audrey probably feels nervous because you throw yourself around the place and she feels unwelcome. It is tough enough for her already, and to be honest I think this very childish behaviour. She is not deliberately trying to inconvenience you, and I am sure as soon as she is in a position to, she will move. She too would like to live alone, but she isn´t throwing tantrums every few minutes.

I realise also that the problem is linked to your sleep problems. You sleep little and lightly, and Audrey talks in her sleep even. I can imagine that might be irritating, but it is not for long. If you organise yourself a bit you can borrow an air mattress and blankets or something (don´t forget Tato took his mattress when he left) and then this problem will be solved. Regarding stuff like personal space, food, and how long it takes Audrey to do things, well, your reaction is completely over the top. You cannot and should not aim to control how much noise a person makes or how long they let the water run. Food is not expensive and you can also eat food that she buys, although I know you won´t because of your stupid phobias. So where does that leave you?

Well the problem, as I see it, is as follows:

Audrey needs somewhere to stay. You have a place, and you have offered. I do think you genuinely want to help, but when it comes to actually doing it, you resent the intrusion. I think the reasons for your resentment are partly related to sleep deprivation but you obviously have some kind of problem which you are not dealing with and projecting onto your current situation, possibly something to do with reluctance to take on responsibility or something to do with your past relationships. I think that your current attitude will just make you feel worse as you will end up feeling guilty while allowing yourself excuses for bad behaviour, which will lead to a vicious circle of self-hatred and resentment. You should know better by now. The main thing is to make sure Audrey has her own space as that way you will sleep better, and not feel like you are being made responsible for her. Get spare keys for her and lay down some ground rules for you both for the duration of your stay. Audrey is not stupid and really does not want to have to stay with you or inconvenience you, and will appreciate not having to tip-toe round you or phone you when she needs to go home for something.

Oh and by the way, you look like a right eejit in those photos taken in the pub the other night.

Dear You,

I know that lately you feel a need for space and desire silence. This is no new development, and I respect that need. However, there comes a time in every persons´s life when he or she has to stop being a spoiled child and realise that it is important to help others. That time in your life is now. It is all very fine and well for you to preach tolerance, but you are one of the most stubborn and selfish people I have met in my life.

Audrey is going through a difficult time at the moment. She has just broken up with her boyfriend, and needs support. She is alone in a foreign country, much as you are, and doesn´t have many people to turn to. She has you and Celine. Since Celine is the one who made the comment that caused the row between Audrey and her boyfriend, Audrey can´t very well stay with her. That leaves you.

So what exactly is your problem? Well, it is obvious that you feel threatened by the presence of someone else in your space. Okay, so Tato has finally left, but now you find after one or two days alone that instead of being alone finally as you´d hoped, that you are back in the situation of living with someone. Get over it, there are worse things in life.

I know you also find Audrey irritating because she talks non-stop. Well actually, so do you, although I will grant you that you are more sensitive to people´s need for silence. Audrey probably feels nervous because you throw yourself around the place and she feels unwelcome. It is tough enough for her already, and to be honest I think this very childish behaviour. She is not deliberately trying to inconvenience you, and I am sure as soon as she is in a position to, she will move. She too would like to live alone, but she isn´t throwing tantrums every few minutes.

I realise also that the problem is linked to your sleep problems. You sleep little and lightly, and Audrey talks in her sleep even. I can imagine that might be irritating, but it is not for long. If you organise yourself a bit you can borrow an air mattress and blankets or something (don´t forget Tato took his mattress when he left) and then this problem will be solved. Regarding stuff like personal space, food, and how long it takes Audrey to do things, well, your reaction is completely over the top. You cannot and should not aim to control how much noise a person makes or how long they let the water run. Food is not expensive and you can also eat food that she buys, although I know you won´t because of your stupid phobias. So where does that leave you?

Well the problem, as I see it, is as follows:

Audrey needs somewhere to stay. You have a place, and you have offered. I do think you genuinely want to help, but when it comes to actually doing it, you resent the intrusion. I think the reasons for your resentment are partly related to sleep deprivation but you obviously have some kind of problem which you are not dealing with and projecting onto your current situation, possibly something to do with reluctance to take on responsibility or something to do with your past relationships. I think that your current attitude will just make you feel worse as you will end up feeling guilty while allowing yourself excuses for bad behaviour, which will lead to a vicious circle of self-hatred and resentment. You should know better by now. The main thing is to make sure Audrey has her own space as that way you will sleep better, and not feel like you are being made responsible for her. Get spare keys for her and lay down some ground rules for you both for the duration of your stay. Audrey is not stupid and really does not want to have to stay with you or inconvenience you, and will appreciate not having to tip-toe round you or phone you when she needs to go home for something.

Oh and by the way, you look like a right eejit in those photos taken in the pub the other night.