Giu can't be serious!

God, I am so funny. What a pun eh? Took me two seconds to think of it. Not surprising really....

So after my last blogs, I went down to the winetasting. Lately I have not been able to eat very much so I was drinking on an empty stomach. There are lots of photos, me looking slightly sad in a green jacket and all-embracing cream scarf, wineglass in hand, cheek glued to someone's head, normally poor Victor the Norwegien. I do this thing in photos where I tilt my head shyly and end up looking like I am glued to the person standing next to me.

Anyhow, by 9 I was pretty plastered and who comes rushing at me like a train, but Giu! We give each other a big hug and I turn around and...all my friends have melted away (later I found out it was not on purpose, they just didn't see Giu somehow). So I go to the Champagneria with Giu, followed by the Sugar bar where the girl again keeps giving us free drinks, and then up to Placa Urquinaona to eat chips in the square. Even if I talk a lot, I also listen. He tells me an awful lot of things, including for some reason about how he sleeps with a big Donald Duck teddy. I am not a girl who likes these kind of things, but I listen. Then we kiss cheeks and leave. I am sure it is over.

But no, the next day is a holiday and he isn't working. But Mayke spots him waiting for me outside. She doesn't say anything. I walk off for a coffee with Mabel and I don't see him. But something causes me to stop and I turn and there he is about to walk away. I call him and he comes with us. He talks to Mabel and I listen and stare out the window. I cannot get comfortable. Mabel takes off home and I tell Giu I am going to the World Press Photography Exhibition, does he want to come? By now I have already decided I am just gonna be myself do my own thing (sounds so obvious I know, but sometimes I forget who I am). He has to tidy his room. Fine, I will walk alongside him a few minutes and he can change his mind if he wants, I tell him. I walk along in silence. After 15 seconds it is too much and he laughs and he says we will go together.

The exhibition is of photos that I have already seen mostly due to the amount of news I read. It is brutal in that photos of severed heads lie next to gorgeous landscapes. It is dark and small and packed with people. I walk around and Giu comes and finds me at regular incidents, until he can't take it anymore. We leave and take another drink. I am raised with such photos. I don't like to stare at death because I think it is morbid curiousity rather than horror that causes us to stare. I like to give time and weight to every photo though. It helps me remember that in the future I have to try and do my best. Many people see the past in those pictures. For me I am reminded that these events are happening as we speak and will continue to do so. Many people in that room had previously ignored the written reports of death. Giu admits he is one of them.

On Saturday I went to a party in his house.I went with Alex who seems to be a bit under the weather right now. I think he is having a crisis of staying or leaving. When we arrived there weren't many people. I drank a bottle of wine very quickly (is there a pattern here?). Giu was DJing and his best friend was chatting me up. Not a good situation. As usual someone else I know ended up kissing him. Alex went home early cos he felt like shit, Mayke who arrived later went home confused, and just as I was leaving the party ended. Giu yelled at me to wait and we would go downstairs together. Fine. He needed to go to the bank machine. Does that mean I have to go too, I asked sardonically. Yes, he replied. Fine. Next thing, a cab was hailed, Giu was in it, and I had to rabbit kisses on my cheek and was on my way home. He was off to Razzmatazz. Honestly! What is he thinking? Then everyone asks why didn't you go? Well, I like to be asked, you know?

Anyway, so I have put that to bed. I am a woman who looks like a girl. I am searching for a man who looks like a boy. I am insecure about other stuff. I am not cool, I do not like fucking around, I am difficult, silly, intelligent, spontanious and I do not play games. This is too game like. If he wants me, he can come and get me. Meantime, I am back focusing on becoming rich and famous.